I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
