Yo dont text me then not text me
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
false alarm. still invincible.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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