if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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