How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
