Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
