hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
