from now on my penis is your penis
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
