if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
