I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
