textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
