I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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