it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
