So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
