well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
