you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I would ride that face into the sunset
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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