nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
