Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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