don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I had to cum in my sink.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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