i already hear my dad disowning me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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