i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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