It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
