I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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