i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
