i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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