Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
