The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
