More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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