here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my shit smells like andre
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
