Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
