we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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