your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
