he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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