6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
