It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
