His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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