As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
