I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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