you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
