So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i barfeds in our rink
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
