420 ftw
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
