white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
