If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
