Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
