If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
it's like heaven, but drunker
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
