i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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