..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
