2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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