Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
