promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
