i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
