Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
