my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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