It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
