I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
As shirtless as possible
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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