Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
