He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
