And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
