if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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