There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
